Why I Love Christmas

Merry Christmas!

As I look at my Christmas decoration, notice the twinkling lights all around, hear the sweet melodies of Christmas, smell the scents that come at this time of year, and look back on the memories I have of Christmas, I LOVE CHRISTMAS!
Is it a hard time of year? Well, sometimes. I think about what a 5 year old little boy would want from Santa and how many Christmas projects we would have done already. I ponder what a sweet 3 year old girl would be doing with all the lights and decoration. If she would be helping Olivia destroy everything or be dutifully tattling on her. So, the answer is yes it is, but because of those sweet angels I love this season. 

Growing up Christmas was good. My mom was way into decorations and when I was young she was an elf at the mall with Santa. So we were always festive. I have a wonderful family, but I don't fit in. I never really have and I was and is reminded often of that. I love that about me now, but as a kid it wasn't the greatest. So, sometime holidays were hard for me. As I grew I feel like I wanted Christmas to be the greatest holiday ever, but it never seemed to sink in for me.
It was Christmas of 2008 that I gained my Christmas testimony. It was that year that I felt the TRUE meaning of Christmas, it was that year that I felt Christ in my life with more power than I ever knew. It was in that year that I fell in love with Christmas. I gained a testimony of why we really celebrate Christmas. We celebrate the birth of our Savior. We celebrate the He was born and because of that He lived and grew and eventually died  for each of us so we could live again with our families. Because of Him I get to be with my babies again. It was in 2008 that I knew that I would be with Graydin again. It was that year that I decided to LOVE Christmas because it was a reminder of my sweet boy. 

Thank you Graydin, thank you for giving me the gift of the true meaning of Christmas. Thank you for being my son and a costant reminder that we have a Savior that loves us and allows us to be together again. 

Merry Christmas Graydin and Alice. I love you both with all my heart!

Now as a family we remember our Savior Jesus Christ and our sweet babies. The best Christmas gift was given to me this year. Olivia, Tayce and I were sitting on the couch and she pointed up at Graydin's shadow box and said "Graydin's box" and than looked at Alice's picture and said "Baby Alice." What a wonderful gift to hear her recognize them. I love you Olivia you are my joy!  

Merry Christmas 2013

Happy Birthday Graydin!

 My Graydin

Happy 5th Birthday My Son!

We love you!

 I can remember 5 years ago like it was yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with cramp (now known as contractions), I went and picked up bread from Albertsons for Bread n' Soup Nite, I had to stay home from church (even though I was supposed to give a talk) and I watch Finding Nemo as I waited for Tayce to get home from giving our talks. That was the day that my naïve world was shattered, that was the day I met an angel, that was the day I became a mother.

5 years have passed and I have cried more tears than I ever knew was possible. I have loved more than I knew I was capable. I have grown more than my heart knew it could. 

 Because of this sweet boy my outlook on life has changed. Because of this boy my testimony is strengthened. Because of this boy my life has changed.

 Graydin is a special boy. He is a wonderful big brother and I know he is taking care of my Alice and so many others as he waits to be with us again. My words cannot describe the love I have for him. He is my strength and my rock. He is always there when I want to give up. He is my son and I love him.

 Families can be together forever and that is something that helps me sleep at night. Because our Savior died for each of us He not only knows our pain, sorrows and afflictions He also died for our sins and allows us to live with our families again. What a remarkable blessing.

Happy birthday little man. Keep doing what your are doing and always know we love you and miss you everyday.
LOVE, Your Mom

My Alice

My Alice

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Alice

Today  my heart aches and yearns to hold my sweet Alice. Today I celebrate her in my heart, celebrate that I get to be her mother, celebrate that she would choose me, celebrate that I can feel close to her, celebrate that one day I will be with her again, celebrate that one day my heart will be full again. 

Today each tear represents what I miss, what I wish I could be experiencing. I think about having two toddlers running around destroying my house, asking me questions and asking to dance with me.

Today my tears are for her. In the midst of this crazy world she is often forgotten, my tears are for her. Happy birthday baby girl, there has not been a moment I have forgotten you, a moment I have not wished you were with me.

My tears are for Olivia because she someday will have to try and understand why her brother and sister are not here with her. My tears are for all three of them because having siblings to share your life with is amazing and wonderful and I feel sad they are not together.

My tears are for the joy I feel that I know I can be with Alice again. (And Graydin of course). My tears are for the overwhelming gratitude I feel that my Savior died for each of us to allow us to be with Him and with each other again. My tears are for the love I feel from my Savior, He knows my pain and anguish waiting each day to be with them again, He knows the pain of hurtful words from others, He know the pain of others forgetting, He KNOWS and because of that I can be strong, I can live on and continue working to be with my babies again.

Today my tears are for me, for my pain and for my longing. Today my tears are because I am allowed to miss her, I am allowed to lover her, remember her and never forget her.

Today my tears are for Tayce, for a father who is strong, a father who remembers and father who loves.

Today there are tears...

Tomorrow there will be more...

My tears are a way of remembering her, remembering that she is real, remembering that even though so many forget I will not.

Happy 3rd birthday sweet Alice, may you have a birthday party even your Brenda couldn't throw. :) I love you will every piece of my broken heart and I will be waiting each day of my moral life to be with you again.
Love, Your Mommy

November Still = Love

Well my blog stocker friends, sorry for slack of my posts, now you have a long one.

This cute little thing is Addison and her and her cute family donated diapers in their community in memory of Graydin and Alice. There are not words that can express my gratitude for them doing this. Thank you Jill!

I had the opportunity to help out at TOFW in St. George and I was privileged to be on the service team. We put food packs together for kids who don't have anything to eat on the weekends. We were able to put 701 weekend packs and donate several boxes of food and backpacks. It was fun and a great thing to do the whole weekend of my birthday! Oh and the picture of the crayons is because it was my favorite box. I love the smell of crayons!

Jericho Road doesn't know this, but they made my birthday weekend a hit when they preformed a boy bands through the ages melody. Backstreet Boys and Jackson 5 included. LOVED it! Brought be back to high school when Alisha and Alisha and I watched them at the Deseret Book in SLC the weekend of conference.

Lucky me Tay got to come with me on Saturday to be one of the priesthood holders. What a joy to have a husband that will do such silly things with me.

Double blessing in the pictures above and below. M'Kala and Lindy came and it was wonderful. They are some pretty good family. I feel blessed every single time I get to say yes I am related to Jess and Lindy Robinson. I surly married into a wonderful family.
Lindy was by my side for the birth of Graydin and Alice. She was my living angel and still is. Her and Jess have always been so supportive and loving towards us and especially about Graydin and Alice. Thank you both and your cute children. We love you so very much.

Now I get to brag about the man my dreams couldn't even dream of. How I got better than a dream I do not know? He is my strength and the one who pulls me up when I think I down for the count. He is the one who loves me when I don't feel worth being loved. He is the one who works two jobs so I can stay home with Olivia and have Riley live with us. He is the one that deals with a bossy wife with anxiety and a bit of crazy. He is the one who is the best daddy in the world and he is the one who allows me to full fill all my dreams. I love you Tayce Robinson, thank you for not giving up on me when everyone around you told you I wasn't worth it. I am glad I was worth it.

Tayce being a great dad! Dancing with miss thang!

Olivia does service everyday! She hugs and loves and says thank you. She remembers people and loves everyone. She even got her first very own ice cream. Lets just say we need some serious car seat cleaning.

Another service from someone else! My good neighbor made me birthday cupcakes with Harry Potter toppers. They are awesome and wonderful. Thank you Julia! You are a wonderful woman. Thank you for always being willing to serve and love.

Riley dancing with Olivia! Riley is a joy to be in our home. He is hard and complicated and I really don't know what I am doing more often than not, but I couldn't imagine it any other way. I love you Riley and I am so happy you are part of my family! Oh, I am pretty sure Olivia is definitely happy!

Only one more folks! This is Glade giving a bag of school supplies to her teacher. Her teacher was so grateful and Glade was pretty excited to take some things in for her school. Thanks Glade! And thanks Kayce! Love you both.

Well November = Love continues. Some things are not posted and that is okay, but if you have something that you would like me to post, I will! Send me a picture or a story and we will post the love!

Adoption

Sorry I just have to post this.
Adopting a baby is way more time and work than most people understand. We have been being told for a long time, "just adopt" like it's easy or something and like it will fix all of our heartache with having children. Well, I will tell you the truth...
I still cry because I miss my angel babies and I still cry that I don't get to make the choices when it comes to how many babies I get, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for Tayce and I. Because of his plan I have two beautiful, perfect and amazing angel babies and a pretty awesome miracle dancing and singing right now as I type and now He is providing a way for us to adopt a baby. So, for whatever reason Tay and I have to fight for a family, like most of you. ;)
Today I got on to work on our paper work and the computer wasn't working, then the internet was being crazy and my password was not working and I was getting frustrated. So, finally I just said to the universe "This is happening so stop slowing down my progression!" and then it all started working. I got the first phase submitted in our 5 phases and found out that our new insurance helps out with adoption. Good things are happening!
Thank you to Kylee and Chassion for being our adoption mentors and angels and for the rest of our family and friends who support us and love us! Thank you so much.
Oh, and Bridget if you are reading this I sure need to call you soon. Love you!

The Last Few Days

I really had the intentions of posting everyday, but you know life happens! ;) So here is a run down of the last few day.

The last few days I have had a few special angel babies on my mind. Yesterday was Andi and Linc's birthdays. I just want to send love and peace to their families and let them know that their babies were remembered.

 For Linc's birthday his family made baskets for the Jubilee homes in St. George and Cedar City. We stayed in the Jubilee home in St. George for 3 months when Olivia was in the hospital, so we were so happy to help with Linc's birthday. So we donated what every NICU family needs... HAND SANITIZER! I am grateful for Linc and his family. It is always a bittersweet blessing to have angel baby families in your life, you never want to have anyone have to go through the loss of a child, but to have connection with other families is nice. Love you Hamilton Family, hope your day was full of peace and love.

 Even though my week has been quite hectic, cookies were made and delivered to a few neighbors. We will have to do it again before the month is over because we have so many people we are thankful for in our lives.

 In memory of sweet Kassie, we made some survival kits for mom's during the holidays. Kassie's 8th birthday is coming up and I know that she would be the most beautiful 8 year old in Cedar City. I pray for comfort and peace to her sweet family. The Neilsen family is a huge blessing in our life.

This little one just needs a shout out because she brings me so much peace. She knows when I am sad and knows when I need a hug and a kiss. She cuddles with me and deals with her crazy mom not functioning so well this month. She is my miracle and my constant reminder to be as good as I can be so we can be with Graydin and Alice again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT!

Happy birthday Tiff! I couldn't ask to share my birthday with a better person. I am so glad we found each other 8! years ago! Love you!

Service From Others

November 3rd

On Sunday I had a wonderful time at church with the wonderful children in Primary. It is a joy to be in Primary. Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. I love the CTR 4 class, they remind me of my sweet Graydin, it's a Heavenly hug each Sunday to see them. 

When I got home from church there was a dinner all made for me by Tyler and Taylor and Jessica. What a wonderful thing to come home to after almost 5 hours of church, on a fast Sunday! It was wonderful. And they didn't stop there, they pulled out a Dairy Queen cake! and then the most wonderful gift, a Tiffany Blue antique phone. Jessica and I saw it at the train station antique consignment shop in town and she got it for me! It was such a wonderful evening.
When I started this month of Love I was trying to think of something to do everyday for someone and Sunday I was the one who was shown love. Thank you Tyler and Jessica, you sure did make my day!

My AWESOME phone! It is going to be a decoration in my living room!

Olivia thinks it is pretty awesome! 

She actually knew it was a phone, I was impressed.

                                                                      November 4th
Monday was another day that I felt like I was blessed more than I blessed others. Little Addi came over and was perfect, no screaming and no tears. Jessica hung out with me and I was able to get some more adoption paper work done! I was able to prep for some future LOVE this month and be with Olivia! It was a good day!

November 2nd = Love

 We made it through day two of November! 

The journey it took to November = Love has been a long one, but on the way it has been rewarding. We have found friends that have become our family, learned things about life we never thought we would know and have grown closer to our Savior in a way that is unthinkable. 

Today we spent a whole day as a family! That is a great blessing that does not happen often with Tayce working two jobs. We split and stacked wood, (Thank you to our wonderful neighbors for their continued assistance in our home owning experience, we sure love the Barton's.) worked on our chicken coop and cleaned up the yard. Not much serving besides to our chickens. ;)

This evening we were able to go to LDS Family Services Adoption Luau. Why? You might ask. Well, Tayce and I have decided to adopt. Because of some remarkable people in our lives and their love and support we were able to start the process for adoption. We are just starting our paperwork, but are more and more excited each day. We truly believe our sweet Graydin and Alice are helping us with this just like they helped Miss Olivia get her safely.

 Then after our luau we attended the SUU Library's Gala and fundraiser. We love supporting the library and SUU. Olivia was a popular guest at the event and Tayce was able to introduce Olivia and I to many of his co-workers. He is an amazing man and works so hard for us. Thank goodness my children have such an awesome daddy.

The day has been eventful and full of love and that is what not only this month is about, but life... right? Thank you all for your love and support.

What are you doing with your love?

What Do You Do With Your Love?

To our Family and Friends,

 NOVEMBER = LOVE

November is here and this year it is not going to be a drag. This year in The Robinson home we are celebrating this month a bit differently. Since 2008 when our sweet Graydin returned to our Heavenly Father, November became a sad month. In 2010 when our precious Alice left us too soon, November became even harder. This year we are going to do something with our LOVE.

In March I had the opportunity to fly to Missouri for a Share conference. During the conference a wonderful woman shared her story about her daughter and after many years of being upset and bitter about her infant baby dying she decided to ask herself “What am I doing with the LOVE?” She had so much love for her daughter that she decided to do things positive and happy with that love. So, Tayce and I are adopting this analogy in our life and especially in November. We are going to remember our sweet babies with positive loving service and good deeds. 

We invite all of our family and friends to share with us throughout this month what you do with your love, your love for Graydin and Alice, for another baby who’s gone too soon, for any loved one here or gone. Show your love through service, good deeds, a smile, something you learn, hear about or share.

Every day I will blog about our LOVE- if you want to do your service in secret that is great! But, if there is anything you do that can be put on Facebook or our blog we would love to hear about it and or see it. Email, text, message me, or call me.

We are grateful for the continued support and love from so many of you. It has been an adventurous 5 years and we are excited to start a new tradition.

With Love,
            Tayce, Lacie and Olivia **

TWO!?!

I cannot believe this miracle girl is two years old! Where has the time gone? I cannot believe we made it. When my hand was on that tiny baby two years ago I couldn't even imagine how much joy this little one would bring me. Don't get me wrong, I have hard days just like any mom and she still gives us scares that we wish we didn't have to deal with, but she's literally a walking miracle. 

Last year I couldn't believe she finally rolled over and was sitting up and now she's babbling about anything she can think of and climbing up and down stairs, feeding her self, helping clean up and working my IPad better than me!

Now she is loud and fun and silly. She's destructive and sometimes mean, but she always ends with a kiss. She is sassy and knows that she is loved that is for sure!

Being a mom is wonderful and I miss my sweet little baby sometimes but I am loving this toddler stage more and more. Crafts and projects here we come!

Happy Birthday Miss Olivia. You truly bring a joy into my life that my word cannot describe. I love you more and more each day and I can not wait to keep learning with you.

Family Pictures!

Family pictures by JLD photography! Jessica is an amazing photographer and if you need photo's she's your girl! :) 
Find her stuff on Facebook on her blog http://lifebeautifullycaptured.blogspot.com

Totally in love with this picture!

Do you think Olivia loves having a buddy or what?

She's poopin don't you worry my friend.

Families truly can be together forever and I am so glad. Life may be hard, but there will always be more good and more beauty than bad! :)