Happy 4th Birthday Alice Jolene

This November = Love post is dedicated to my Alice, the one who gave me the strength to remember her and her brother and to do something for others. Thank you sweet girl for helping me to be a better person.

 Happy birthday my sweet Alice, I miss you every moment of my life. I think about you every day and hope for the day that you are in my arms again. I wait for the day to see your beautiful eyes, hear your voice and know that you can never be taken away from me again. I love you.

 As the hustle and bustle of the Holidays begin, I am reminded that as much as I try and as much as I convince myself everything is okay I still don't love this holiday.

It is amazing that the pain and memories of something 4 years ago can awake you in the midst of your sleep, that you can wake up with puffy eyes, like you have been crying for 4 years and the feelings and pains are permeating my body like they were yesterday.

Today Thanksgiving shares the birthday of my sweet Alice Jolene Robinson. Today Thanksgiving is the hardest day of the year, the day that no matter how hard I try and put a face on for the world that face just doesn't hide the grief, pain and sorrow my heart feels everyday of the year.

Today I feel exposed, today I feel vulnerable, today I allow myself to show the way my heart feels everyday of the year. Today I just feel like my brain and heart are having a constant tug-of-war and I am not in control.

 Today I think about my sweet girl while most are thinking about turkey's and potatoes. Today I remember that she is mine, that she is real and that even if the world forgets about her I do not.

 Today I look at Olivia and wonder how different or the same they would be. I look at Olivia and love her for telling me "It's my best friends Alice's birthday." I look at Olivia and hope that I can do whatever possible to get us all back to be together again.

 Today I pray and thank my Heavenly Father for my Savior and His sacrifice for me and for my family. I thank them for eternal families and for the love they have for me and for my family. Today I am grateful for the pain, because the pain is the reminder that I hold the entire year that she is real, that I am her mom and Tay is her dad and Olivia is her sister and that Graydin is her brother and one day we will be together again. Someday the pain will be gone and the joy will be so full and so true and so bright that I won't even remember all these sad days, I will just remember the happy ones.

Families Can Be Forever

And it is my goal to work my very hardest for that to come true!

I love you Alice, I miss you and I hope you and so many other loved ones are celebrating your birthday the way your mama and Grandma Nae would. 

Banana Bread and November = Love

It is always nice to make your own treats and even better when you share those treats with others. For November = Love at least once in the month we like to give treats to others. For some reason we had a large amount of bananas getting mighty ripe at my house, so banana bread was made. After 18 baby loaves were made we were able to go together and deliver them to families we Home Teach and Visit Teach and others. It was fun to go out with Riley (and Tayce) and share our love with others.

Share your gratitude with others this week. You can do this by using your words, writing a note, sharing treats or doing an act of service or kindness to others.

Stephy

November = Love wouldn't have been if it wasn't for Stephanie. She is my hero and my friend. She has taught me more than she knows and has loved me more than I deserve. She always remembers me and my love for Dr. Pepper this month. I would like to dedicate this November = Love post to my dear friend Stephanie.

Stephanie is the kind of person you want your kids to grow up like. She is the type of mom you want to be like. She is the type of person that when you see her you know she has the light of Christ in her. She is not flamboyant about what she does and truthfully she is shaking her fist at this post for me writing it. But, it is from my heart and from my children who love her. 

Stephanie has given more families the strength to love and remember their angel babies than I can remember. She gave me the strength to do so and because of that love I hope she knows that I am eternally grateful to her, to her sweet Kassie, to her beautiful Tasha and Haylee and her wonderful husband. 

We love! (Love the Robinson's all 5 of us) 

Uncle Tyler and Aunt Jessie

November = Love wouldn't be complete without dedicating a post to one of the best Uncle's and Aunt's out there. Tyler and Jess never had the opportunity to meet Graydin and Alice, but you would never know that. They are advocates of those sweet angels and remember them in all they do. They stand up for me and support my family and I. Tyler was the first family member to ask me about Share, he sat on the stairs with me one night after I got back from the hospital and talked with me. Jessie and Tyler did a fundraiser for Share in memory of Graydin and Alice during their reception. They are always doing good things and I am grateful for them and their love for my children. Their service is given to my children each day because I know they love and care for all three of them.
Thank you Tyler and Jessie for your love and compassion, for your understanding and service. We couldn't ask for a better family. We love you and will miss you when you move far away from us.

Grandma Nae AKA My Mom

This November = Love is dedicated to my mama. She is the best grandma and I am grateful for all she does for my family and I. She loves all of our children with a love only a grandma could explain. She remembers Graydin and Alice and never forgets to add them to the list of grandchildren she has. She brags about them just like she would if they were here and she even has disowned Thanksgiving because I have. She is a good support and is always there if I need her. She may not understand everything I do or say but she is always willing to listen and never tells me "get over it", "it's been long enough" or whatever insensitve thing angel mamas hear throughout the year.
Thank you mom for your support and love. Thank you for loving my babies and not forgetting them. Thank you for being the best grandma.

Families Can Be Together Forever
And I sure am grateful for that!

My Primary Children

November = Love because of the beautiful primary children I get to serve. I really believe they do much for me than I for them. They remind me how to love unconditionally, how to forgive without question, how to smile with the light of Christ, how to serve with my whole heart and how to make someones day. They do all these things for me and I love them so much. Their sweet testimonies strengthen me. They remember Graydin and Alice when they don't even have to. I dedicate this November = Love post to them.
To each of my primary children, thank you. Thank you for your love and strength. I am a better person because of you.

Tayce AKA Daddy

This November = Love is dedicated to the best husband and father out there. 

My words are inadequate for the gratitude and love I have for this amazing man. He is easily father of the universe to me. He endures more with smiles than most people I know. He doesn't yell or get angry. He loves and hugs instead. He is gentle and loving and I couldn't ask for a better father for my babies or husband for me. I tell him often I had this dream man made up in my head when I was in college and for some reason I got better than my dreams could make up. 

Tayce is my biggest support and because of that I am allowed to devote my life to Share and never forget my sweet Graydin and Alice. He remembers them and loves them. He tells people about them and even when the situation may be uncomfortable he tells people he has 3 children. To hear those words from my angel babies daddy is a huge blessing. He works hard is always by my side supporting and helping me. 

Thank you Tay for your service and love for our babies this month and every month. You are an example to so many and your Christ like attitude is amazing. I love you forever and no matter what. 

Andee

This post is dedicated to a special angel friend of mine, Andee. She came to this earth a day before my birthday a few years ago. It hurt my heart to see friends go through the pain of saying goodbye to a child, but this sweet girl brought such a special spirit to this world. Her family was brave and strong and amazing. I would like to dedicate this November = Love post to Andee and her sweet family.

November = Love because:
Good people do good things and while doing good things bring hope and love into "a world where people are confused". I am grateful for the Stevens family. For November = Love they decided to go visit the widows in their ward. Then it snowed where they lived and they went and shoveled the snow of all their neighbors. What great service they showed. They shared a bit of how they felt while serving that I believe captures the reason we do November = Love. "It's amazing how close you feel to the spirit and for us, Andee when you do service and show acts of love."
Stevens family thank you! Thank you for participating in November = Love for my sweet babies and your own. What a great gift we can give as we remember our loved ones that have passed. Thank you a million times for your Christ like love and service. May you feel the spirit of love this holiday season.

Olivia

November = Love is a tradition I am glad came to my heart and each year it seems to get better. This year I have decided to dedicate my posts to friends and family that do so much for my family and I. People that remember Graydin and Alice, people who are Christ like, people who love and don't necessarily want me to post about them, but I am going to any ways. I have to catch up on my posts so there will be a few each day until I catch up. :)

This post is dedicated to my Sweet Olivia. She is my ultimate November = Love hero. She always remembers Graydin and Alice and she always loves them, in a way that is more Christ like then I can describe. She talks about them, asks about them and tells me stories about them. She fills my heart with love and I am grateful for her.
She also loves to do service with us. She loves to love others. She seriously is a little bit of sunshine sent from Heaven to warm our hearts and make us smile.
This year Olivia gave donuts to her daddy's work and to her Aunt Jessie and Uncle Tyler. When Olivia sees Lin's she knows that there are donuts in there. And when we go get her a donut she starts to list the people she needs to take donuts too. So one donut usually turns into a dozen and we go deliver.
So this post is dedicated to our Sunshine baby and the one who can bring a smile on a face that thought they may never smile again. I love you Olivia!

Riley

This November = Love post is dedicated to Riley. Riley came and lived with Tayce, Olivia and I in January of 2013. He has been a joy and pain, but most of all he has helped me grow in so many ways. I love to watch his love for others. He has had to deal with a lot living in my crazy house, but he seems to be okay with it. This November Riley donated blood. Whether he knows it or not, donating blood is a huge deal. Because of people donating blood it saved sweet Olivia's life and many other micro-preemies. I know that Graydin and Alice are grateful for that service and that is why this post is dedicated to Riley. Love you Riley, keep becoming the amazing person I see in you.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, usually I wouldn't make a post about my own birthday, but today there is a purpose so there is a post.
I have decided on my 29th birthday to form a list called my 30 before 30 also known as My Journey to Thirty! 


The List:

•  Be Healthy
• Gain a love of exercising, make it a habit (with Tayce)
• Find me- be me, love me and know my worth (So, I can fully serve and love others more)
• Go to a new place- ADVENTURES
• Type up my journals
• Read 10+ books
• Take Olivia to Disneyland (This will be after I turn 30 because we have decided to go to Disneyland for Thanksgiving next year!)
• Love more - Hate less
• Study the life of Christ
• Learn to pray for real
• Fast every month
• Go to the temple a lot! (At least twice a month)
• Love being a mom! 
• Blog once a week
• Go to a new temple
• Go to a temple open house
• Go to the movies
• Appreciate my blessings
• Get back to the basics
• Learn something new
• Read/study my scriptures every single day
• Eat something new
• Paint a picture
• Make year books (digital scrapbooks)
• Visit a new state
• Cook with Olivia often 
• Have an amazing graduation party for Riley
• Be a potter for a day ;) 
• Be able to swim 1 mile
• Have a huge awesome 30th birthday party for Tay and I (and make sure Tiff is there to celebrate her 29th birthday- we share the same birthday) 

Now I hope this journey I am embarking will lead me to be a better person today then yesterday and each day on. I hope that my journey will bring me closer to my Savior and my loved ones. And I hope that I can find joy in each moment and serve others on that path. 

November = Love

November is here again, it comes too fast if you ask me. But, now that I have something positive to focus on it's a little bit easier.

So, for those of you who do not know what November = Love is, it is this: In the whole month of November my family and I focus on serving others, being kind, loving more and doing all of this in remembrance of our angel babies Graydin and Alice. We post some of the things we do, some of it we like keeping annonomyus. What we say to our friends and family is this, if you would like to do something in remembrance of Graydin and Alice we would love it! Send us an email, text, Facebook message, or shoot us a call and we can make a blog post about it. It can include pictures, or no pictures, names or no names. It's up to you.

Happy November = Love