Happy 4th Birthday Alice Jolene

This November = Love post is dedicated to my Alice, the one who gave me the strength to remember her and her brother and to do something for others. Thank you sweet girl for helping me to be a better person.

 Happy birthday my sweet Alice, I miss you every moment of my life. I think about you every day and hope for the day that you are in my arms again. I wait for the day to see your beautiful eyes, hear your voice and know that you can never be taken away from me again. I love you.

 As the hustle and bustle of the Holidays begin, I am reminded that as much as I try and as much as I convince myself everything is okay I still don't love this holiday.

It is amazing that the pain and memories of something 4 years ago can awake you in the midst of your sleep, that you can wake up with puffy eyes, like you have been crying for 4 years and the feelings and pains are permeating my body like they were yesterday.

Today Thanksgiving shares the birthday of my sweet Alice Jolene Robinson. Today Thanksgiving is the hardest day of the year, the day that no matter how hard I try and put a face on for the world that face just doesn't hide the grief, pain and sorrow my heart feels everyday of the year.

Today I feel exposed, today I feel vulnerable, today I allow myself to show the way my heart feels everyday of the year. Today I just feel like my brain and heart are having a constant tug-of-war and I am not in control.

 Today I think about my sweet girl while most are thinking about turkey's and potatoes. Today I remember that she is mine, that she is real and that even if the world forgets about her I do not.

 Today I look at Olivia and wonder how different or the same they would be. I look at Olivia and love her for telling me "It's my best friends Alice's birthday." I look at Olivia and hope that I can do whatever possible to get us all back to be together again.

 Today I pray and thank my Heavenly Father for my Savior and His sacrifice for me and for my family. I thank them for eternal families and for the love they have for me and for my family. Today I am grateful for the pain, because the pain is the reminder that I hold the entire year that she is real, that I am her mom and Tay is her dad and Olivia is her sister and that Graydin is her brother and one day we will be together again. Someday the pain will be gone and the joy will be so full and so true and so bright that I won't even remember all these sad days, I will just remember the happy ones.

Families Can Be Forever

And it is my goal to work my very hardest for that to come true!

I love you Alice, I miss you and I hope you and so many other loved ones are celebrating your birthday the way your mama and Grandma Nae would. 

Banana Bread and November = Love

It is always nice to make your own treats and even better when you share those treats with others. For November = Love at least once in the month we like to give treats to others. For some reason we had a large amount of bananas getting mighty ripe at my house, so banana bread was made. After 18 baby loaves were made we were able to go together and deliver them to families we Home Teach and Visit Teach and others. It was fun to go out with Riley (and Tayce) and share our love with others.

Share your gratitude with others this week. You can do this by using your words, writing a note, sharing treats or doing an act of service or kindness to others.

Stephy

November = Love wouldn't have been if it wasn't for Stephanie. She is my hero and my friend. She has taught me more than she knows and has loved me more than I deserve. She always remembers me and my love for Dr. Pepper this month. I would like to dedicate this November = Love post to my dear friend Stephanie.

Stephanie is the kind of person you want your kids to grow up like. She is the type of mom you want to be like. She is the type of person that when you see her you know she has the light of Christ in her. She is not flamboyant about what she does and truthfully she is shaking her fist at this post for me writing it. But, it is from my heart and from my children who love her. 

Stephanie has given more families the strength to love and remember their angel babies than I can remember. She gave me the strength to do so and because of that love I hope she knows that I am eternally grateful to her, to her sweet Kassie, to her beautiful Tasha and Haylee and her wonderful husband. 

We love! (Love the Robinson's all 5 of us) 

Uncle Tyler and Aunt Jessie

November = Love wouldn't be complete without dedicating a post to one of the best Uncle's and Aunt's out there. Tyler and Jess never had the opportunity to meet Graydin and Alice, but you would never know that. They are advocates of those sweet angels and remember them in all they do. They stand up for me and support my family and I. Tyler was the first family member to ask me about Share, he sat on the stairs with me one night after I got back from the hospital and talked with me. Jessie and Tyler did a fundraiser for Share in memory of Graydin and Alice during their reception. They are always doing good things and I am grateful for them and their love for my children. Their service is given to my children each day because I know they love and care for all three of them.
Thank you Tyler and Jessie for your love and compassion, for your understanding and service. We couldn't ask for a better family. We love you and will miss you when you move far away from us.

Grandma Nae AKA My Mom

This November = Love is dedicated to my mama. She is the best grandma and I am grateful for all she does for my family and I. She loves all of our children with a love only a grandma could explain. She remembers Graydin and Alice and never forgets to add them to the list of grandchildren she has. She brags about them just like she would if they were here and she even has disowned Thanksgiving because I have. She is a good support and is always there if I need her. She may not understand everything I do or say but she is always willing to listen and never tells me "get over it", "it's been long enough" or whatever insensitve thing angel mamas hear throughout the year.
Thank you mom for your support and love. Thank you for loving my babies and not forgetting them. Thank you for being the best grandma.

Families Can Be Together Forever
And I sure am grateful for that!

My Primary Children

November = Love because of the beautiful primary children I get to serve. I really believe they do much for me than I for them. They remind me how to love unconditionally, how to forgive without question, how to smile with the light of Christ, how to serve with my whole heart and how to make someones day. They do all these things for me and I love them so much. Their sweet testimonies strengthen me. They remember Graydin and Alice when they don't even have to. I dedicate this November = Love post to them.
To each of my primary children, thank you. Thank you for your love and strength. I am a better person because of you.

Tayce AKA Daddy

This November = Love is dedicated to the best husband and father out there. 

My words are inadequate for the gratitude and love I have for this amazing man. He is easily father of the universe to me. He endures more with smiles than most people I know. He doesn't yell or get angry. He loves and hugs instead. He is gentle and loving and I couldn't ask for a better father for my babies or husband for me. I tell him often I had this dream man made up in my head when I was in college and for some reason I got better than my dreams could make up. 

Tayce is my biggest support and because of that I am allowed to devote my life to Share and never forget my sweet Graydin and Alice. He remembers them and loves them. He tells people about them and even when the situation may be uncomfortable he tells people he has 3 children. To hear those words from my angel babies daddy is a huge blessing. He works hard is always by my side supporting and helping me. 

Thank you Tay for your service and love for our babies this month and every month. You are an example to so many and your Christ like attitude is amazing. I love you forever and no matter what. 

Andee

This post is dedicated to a special angel friend of mine, Andee. She came to this earth a day before my birthday a few years ago. It hurt my heart to see friends go through the pain of saying goodbye to a child, but this sweet girl brought such a special spirit to this world. Her family was brave and strong and amazing. I would like to dedicate this November = Love post to Andee and her sweet family.

November = Love because:
Good people do good things and while doing good things bring hope and love into "a world where people are confused". I am grateful for the Stevens family. For November = Love they decided to go visit the widows in their ward. Then it snowed where they lived and they went and shoveled the snow of all their neighbors. What great service they showed. They shared a bit of how they felt while serving that I believe captures the reason we do November = Love. "It's amazing how close you feel to the spirit and for us, Andee when you do service and show acts of love."
Stevens family thank you! Thank you for participating in November = Love for my sweet babies and your own. What a great gift we can give as we remember our loved ones that have passed. Thank you a million times for your Christ like love and service. May you feel the spirit of love this holiday season.