Well, I have no pictures to post, so I assume many of you will click the X and move on to another page. But, that's okay.
This post is to let out some of my ramblings in my head. First and foremost life is good. I have no reason to complain, I am blessed!
Things that have been going through my head are things like what are you doing with your life. I look at my precious baby girl and know what I am doing with my life, but for some reason (my mom blames it on her) I think I need to be doing more more more. I feel like I should be working and that my life needs to be so busy I want to pull my hair out or something. Well, I know I don't need to be like this, but it is like etched into my brain that that is how I work. Really I had Graydin and took a few days off and was back to work and school and then I had Alice and I hardly took any time at all off. I know the situation is different because Olivia is here, but I guess my brain tells me time to work! I had to go back into my old job the other day and I didn't know how to feel. I was so torn being there. It made me feel like I was a part of something again, but then as I walked out and went to my car I realized that, that is not my life anymore. My life is Olivia, my life is being a mother, my life is remembering and celebrating all of my children, my life is striving to be better each day so I can be with my sweet babies again, my life is different now.
When comments are made like "you wasted your time going to school" or "what are you doing with your life" it makes me think and sometimes I wonder if I did waste my time or forget my 'dreams' and as I ponder and think and listen I know what the answer is. I DID NOT waste my time. My time at SUU was amazing, I made some of the bestest friends I have today, I learned to serve, I learned to lead, I learned to love education and learned to be a better person. At SUU I found the love of my life and I would never change any of my time going to school. My dreams have been to teach, I get to be the most important teacher in a persons life, a mother. I get to be the first teacher she ever has and hopefully if I do a good enough job she will want to come back for more! I have always wanted to be a leader and I get to be the most important leader and example I could ever be. I can be an example to Olivia I can help lead her to be a strong woman with good desires and aspirations. So to anyone who wonders (I don't know if anyone does) I am living my dreams, actually I am living better then my dreams I am a mother, a wife, a friend!
Thanks for letting me ramble. Thank you all for your support and your love. I sure do appreciate having such amazing friends and family.
4 comments:
I have to tell you that I honestly felt the same way right after Lily was born. There were months where I was so bored of the same routine and missed work and school so much. It was the first time in my life that I wasn't constantly busy, and it was really hard. BUT it does get better. As they grow, there is so much more you have to do for them (or at least, things that you don't feel as routine...because babies do take a whole lot of effort too!), and then you get to start teaching them things like letters, numbers, colors, etc. I have loved doing "preschool" for Lily because it lets me be a teacher (what I went to school for!) and it is so nice. Don't let anyone let you feel like "just a stay at home mom" because it really is so wonderful. BUT it can get monotonous at times. Getting out of the house really helps me when I feel that way and trying to find new games or things to do with them. :)
I have had those same questions and same comments in my life too... you know you're doing the right thing, and that's all that matters. You may be making the right choices, but people can't see the consequences of those right away so they think you're crazy. You are right where you need to be, because I don't think Olivia would be quite as cool if you weren't right there with her along the way! (Not that Olivia isn't cool, you're just so awesome you add to her coolness!)
Lacie, never feel guilty for feeling that way. That's a normal feeling, especially coming from such a busy life before. It's just such a difference. You're busy in a whole new, I don't see the results right away type way. So it takes a little getting used to. Two years later and i still have days where I struggle with it. Just know you're doing the best thing you can.
Thanks for sharing. Before I had Miles I had in mind I wanted to go back to work, I loved working! Now I feel my new calling is to be a mom. It's more rewarding than any paycheck. Your education is the greatest teacher/gift for your children
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