14 days of Influenza...

 Well our house was infected! Infected with influenza! We all learned something (which can count for 30 before 30: learn something new). Here it is, we all say we have the flu and more often than not we don't really have a strand of influenza. We have some virus that is making us feel crappy, but influenza is more intense.

 Intense enough to put my sweet girl in the hospital and back on oxygen. :( She is now on day 14 of being sick and we are still going. It was scary and awful to see her this sick. I woke up one morning and she just laid there, no response to me, limp and gray and she would not move. It was mortifying and heart breaking and let's just say I have cried a lot the last two weeks. One because my biggest fear is that she will die before me and it was so real. The reality that she is still fragile and susceptible to this nasty world is so scary, the reality that I cannot save her from everything is terrifying to me.

 This bloody bug is intense enough to bring this mom right to bed also. And let's just say not sleeping and having this does not go well together. I have not been a very good sleeper since Miss Olivia came home because she has always had breathing issues, but when they are legitimate I have a problem, like I have maybe slept 1-3 hours a night for the last 10 days.

 She is on the mend though. She doesn't need oxygen all day, just when she sleeps. She is playing and eating and being sassy again. She is totally getting better and I am so happy. Happy that her little body keeps fighting and fighting. Happy that she is a fighter and we have so many loved ones that pray for her. She is buoyed by your strength. Thank you so much.

 I sort of feel like we lost 2 weeks of our life, like we have been trapped and now that we are getting better we have to figure out how to get back into the real world. It's a little bit weird and crazy.

But, we made it. We have learned more about influenza, we have learned more about our little miss and we have been reminded that we are surrounded by the kindest most wonderful people a family could ask for. Thank you for the meals, the gifts, the prayers, the text and calls, the oils, blessings, and good energy. We feel blessed and we love you all.

30 Before 30

30 Before 30

Go to a new temple 

Attending the temple more is really important to me this year. It has been a very hard transition from no children on this earth to a child here. Not only the normal transition of becoming parents, but the intense anxiety I have leaving Olivia. That has been something that no one could prepare me for and really it is something that is very hard for me to explain. But, now that she is 3 years old and has been 3 for awhile now I am trying to find ways to subside that anxiety and gain the blessings and knowledge of temple attendance. 

So, that is a little reason behind this 30 before 30 bucket list item and a few more that I have on there dealing with temples.
This bucket list item was to go and attend a new temple. This temple is the remodeled Ogden, Utah temple. We were able to go with Tyler and Jessica for Jessica's birthday and it was fabulous, beautiful and amazing. I learn more every time ago, I learn about myself, the ordinances and covenants and so much more. I have a strong testimony of temples and what they do for us here on the earth and those that have left it. It is a place that I feel so close to my sweet children in Heaven and feel peace that I cannot feel any where else. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true and I am happy to say that I belong to it! 

30 Before 30

30 Before 30
Cook With Olivia

On of my 30 before 30 bucket list items is to cook with Olivia more. Allowing her to be with me as I cook and bake does a couple of things for me. One it allows me to have fun and not have to have everything perfect. She brings a lightness to all things and this is so good for me. I do not want her to grow up and wonder why I never did anything with her.
Cooking with me also allows me to share my love of cooking and sharing my food with others. This is a passion and a love that took me a long time to share and not be self conscious about.
Also I love teaching her things. I want her to know how to cook and feed people. No going to college not knowing how to cook, no way. She will be the best cook in her dorm. :) 

Sushi Making

 For Christmas Riley got a sushi kit from Tyler and Jessie and we decided to try it out. So here it is...

 So the recipe that we found said you needed to fan the rice after it was cooked, so we fanned it!

 We did a simple roll, basically a California roll. (carrots, cucumber, avocado, cream cheese, crab)

 The first roll!

 And the second roll!

 It wasn't too bad for our first time making them.  But let's just say it is worth buying them. ;)

And this is why, what a mess! Sushi making is messy. So next time we may just go to the Ninja. :) It was fun though. Riley and I are a good chef team.

Pictures to Share!

Olivia LOVES Grandma's. I am telling you if you look like you might be a Grandma she will like you. She loved spending time with Grandma D at Thanksgiving.

I just had to show you all that my child is awesome. :)

We love the Neilsens! What an amazing family we are blessed to know. Love them so much.

Just another day at our house. Olivia carries that stool around everywhere, just incase she's not tall enough.

We got a fresh tree this year. Riley really wanted a fresh tree, so Tayce picked us a tree and I put it up!

Happy birthday to our angel friend Kassie. It was her 9th birthday and we had a little celebration in memory of her and her sweet spirit. She has helped so many and we are grateful for her and her family.

Olivia and Jacob are buddies. Jacob comes over once in awhile and they are super cute together.

And there it is. Our Snow College tree. Riley has chosen to go to Snow and so we did a Snow tree for his "last" Christmas. :)

30 Before 30: Go to a New Place...

TROPIC

Well, this is a make up post. On November 15th my little family and I got to go and participate in a Pancreatic Cancer walk in memory of Susan Hansen (Ashley Pollock's Mother). 

Going was to support a wonderful friend, but as we got there I realized that it fulfilled November = Love for sure and it also fulfilled one of my 30 before 30 goals! Go to a new place! 

So all together it was awesome! 

So, even though it is December now, this was meant for November and so it will still be dedicated to Susan Hansen, a woman I never got the privilege of meeting, but I know of her goodness. I can see her goodness in her daughter every time I am with her. I know of the love Ashley has for her mother and only a terrific mother comes from that kind of love. To Susan and Ashley thank you for being woman of Christ and woman I can look up to. I love you both and I am excited for the day I get to give your sweet mother a hug and thank her in person for such an amazing friend. I love you Ash!

Good Friends

Make up post. :)

November = Love because of good friends. I have a lot of good friends who have done such amazing things this November. ( I apologize if I have missed a post) I am so grateful for them and for their love and support, it means the world to me that my sweet babies (children) are remembered and because of them there is good in the world.

This November = Love post is dedicated to the Fisher family. They put together blessing bags in memory of Graydin and Alice. What a wonderful text to receive during the week of their birthdays. It was such a heavenly hug to see the pictures below.
Christie was the one who reached out to me after Graydin died. I wouldn't talk to anyone about it and was trying to just get back to life. She told me her story and let Gibson (her son) be apart of my life. Thank you Christie for reaching out to a broken soul and being one of the people that walked with me on my long journey. Love you my friend and grateful for you support and love towards my children and I.

November 30th

Happy Birthday Charles Graydin

This may seem crazy to some, but I have been dreading this birthday for Graydin. I know that 6 isn't anything special, but for some reason having his birthday on Sunday, which is the day of the week he was actually born on seemed to bring back so many memories. So, it seemed as if I went through his day like a robot. Making sure I could get through the last day of the month. I feel awful about it really. 

Thankfully we got to spend time with family that day. And I really love the primary children I get to be around, they sure did make my day better. The whole CTR 5 class just makes me smile. All the 6 year old children in my neighborhood make me happy. I think about them playing with Graydin and them being in the same class at school and it makes me smile. It also makes me feel a little bit older that I should have a 6 year old running around my house. 

Well, mister Graydin is an amazing son. He is my strength and my rock in life. Anyone who doesn't think you can be close to someone who has passed on should just meet Graydin. He is my gaurdian angel and I am so grateful for him in my life. I am so grateful that I get to be the mom of such an amazing boy. What an honor. 

Happy birthday sweet boy! I hope your day was filled with love and parties. I hope that you and Kassie and Alice had 6 days of parties! I love you and you are forever mine my sweet boy. 

Love, Mom