It's 3 in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm tired, but I don't want to go back to the dream I was having.
I love Olivia with all my heart, but to tell you the truth it's still hard to believe she's really here. I don't know how to get rid of the fear that when I have babies they die. I know for some of you it might be hard to understand, but in my mind babies die. And really it's scary. When I fall asleep I wake up in a panic that I slept too long or too well. I dream of 3 babies in a casket and I won't let go of them and Tay tries to take them and I just yell and cry. It's a horrible dream and I wake up in a panic. Thankfully two big bright eyes are looking at me as I type this. Thankfully the spirit comforts me that it is good and I Feel peace, but truthfully it is a constant battle.
Thanks for listening to my fear and letting me express my feelings, it helps me deal with my 'issues' :)
Maybe I can sleep now.
Good night or good morning, however you think it.
2 comments:
I hope sweet dreams come to you tonight.
Lace, I can't imagine the fear you have having gone through what you have gone through, but I have panic attacks like that all the time!. If our little girl sleeps longer then she usually does I always have this fear that something happened. I will go check that her tummy is still moving up and down. It's gotta be a mommy thing! Yours is obviously magnified, but it is still the worst fear/feeling.
Hope your dreams get better!. You are an amazing mommy & I love your pictures of your little sweetie pie.
Much love to you, Tayce and little Olivia!
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